ONCE THE LIGHTS have been pulled down, the tree has been set afire to the hoots and hollers of drunken revelers on Ocean Beach and/or the menorah has been assiduously scraped free of all wax, and life has returned to some relative state of postholiday normalcy, it kicks in. Postholiday malaise. Ennui. In the dark days before prescription psychiatric medications, our ancestors incorporated into their traditions the self-medicating practice of consuming massive amounts of sugary sweets and alcohol to bolster their mood in the darker months. Thanks to their wanton, pagan tendency toward excess, holiday gatherings have evolved into displays of shameless consumption. Thank God. Of course, once you've binged on the good stuff, you're inevitably left with food and wine you can't (or won't) consume and/or are ashamed to re-gift. What to do?

Glögg. Gløgg. Gloegg? Julegloegg!? Glug, glug, glug.

Those fair-skinned folk from the frozen lands of Norway, Finland, and Sweden have long fended off the frosty months with their hot wine mixture, glogg. Traditionally it's consumed in the six weeks prior to Christmas, but there's no reason you can't make it virtually any time. In fact, many believe the consumption of this potent wine-and-spice stew may explain why there's such a profusion of births in Scandinavian countries in August and September. As luck would have it, my glogg connection, Tommy Nude, was jetting in from Copenhagen with his father's family recipe just in time to whip up a batch while we slugged aquavit.

Knud Knudsen's glogg (with some tweaking)

Zest from 2 oranges

2 cinnamon sticks, shredded

10 cardamom pods

10 cloves

2/3 lb raisins

10 dried apricots

1/3 lb crystallized ginger

5 prunes

1/3 lb slivered almonds

Aaaand now the good stuff:

1 1/2 liters cabernet sauvignon (don't go crazy and shell out for something pricey; it's going to have spices steeping in it for 12 hours. Gloggin' it makes any wine potable.)

1 1/2 liters port

2 1/2 cups aquavit (Aalborg Akvavit, said to be a "family tradition" among the Knudsen clan, is some of the most affordable)

In an expanse of cheesecloth folded double, make a spice bag (like a large tea bag) with the orange zest, cinnamon sticks, cardamom, and cloves and place in a cup of very hot water, or simmer in a small pan of water on stove, "to make the spices available," as Mr. Knudsen advises. While that simmers, place 1/2 lb. of the raisins, apricots, ginger, and prunes in a large (5- to 10-quart) pot, add water to cover the mixture, and simmer for 15 minutes.

Add the spice bag and the water in which it was being steeped to the pot, add the wine and port, and heat to 170 to 180 degrees Fahrenheit. Do not boil! (You'll boil off the alcohol and then this entire column will be worthless.) Simmer for about 10 minutes, turn off heat, and let cool.

In a separate bowl, place the almonds and the remaining raisins and add the aquavit. Cover bowl and soak. Let the glogg in the pot and the almonds and raisins in aquavit steep for about 12 hours. Strain out the glogg.

Serve warm in mugs and add the aquavit-infused almonds and raisins to garnish. "To get the party started" (Knud gets it done), feel free to add some of the aquavit left over from the steeping to your glass, or just pour all that aquavit into the final glogg.

Three things are critical: Definitely allow it to mature in the pot for about 8 to 12 hours to soak everything up. The final glogg becomes thicker and much more flavorful. (Ahem) No boiling. And, finally, add a bit (or a bit more) of the aquavit to open up the flavor of the glogg. Aquavit is a neutral spirit (basically vodka) flavored with caraway and has a refreshing, very subtle black-licorice taste. I recommend sipping a little in a slender or fluted shot glass while mixing your glogg. It's tasty all by itself, particularly good when chilled, and an excellent sub for vodka in Bloody Marys.

Nog

Vandals put sugar in a car's gas tank because once the sugar suspended in the gas combusts in the cylinders, it caramelizes, turning the engine block into V-8 brûlée. Really good eggnog (essentially concentrated egg yolk, sugar, and booze) works on your ticker in much the same way. Which is why it's so damned good. If it can't kill you, it can't make you stronger, and it's good to be strong, yes?

Ambassador's morning lift

1 qt eggnog (buy it at the store – less legit, but it lessens the chance of hospitalization due to salmonella. Do not get the fat-free stuff; it's thin when diluted with this much hooch.)

6 oz cognac

3 oz dark or spiced rum (I recommend Goslings or Captain Morgan's Spiced Rum)

3 oz crème de cacao (brown)

Nutmeg, grated (for garnish)

While sipping on this killer, consider the etymology of the term eggnog. The name of a particularly strong ale brewed in Norfolk, England, nog is also an abbreviated form of noggin, a small mug or cup used to serve ale. An English drink, posset, was actually made with the aforementioned ale and sweetened milk, and one can see how, with the addition of fresh eggs to thicken the mixture and the prevalence of rum in the early days of the United States, the old drink evolved into the eggnog we now know and love.

A note on nutmeg: rumors that nutmeg can induce euphoria and hallucinations if ingested in the proper quantities are all true. Of course, it can definitely cause some severe negative reactions – so lay off the nutmeg. Freaks....